(0:00 - 0:27) The reason why I call these weekly commentaries Iron Will on Everything is because I didn't want to be limited in what I talk about. While most of these commentaries are and will be about government and corporate corruption and the globalist agenda, once in a while I'm going to talk about things that are in no way related, at least not directly. It's a way to occasionally cover topics that I hope are not only of universal interest but even, sometimes, have a little fun. (0:28 - 3:49) I've always been interested in psychology and I want to understand why we, as people, do the things we do, why some people behave in certain ways while others may exhibit very different behaviors, even under identical circumstances. I took psych as an option in high school and throughout my life I've continued my studies on my own. Psychoanalyzing myself, this is likely because I discovered at a young age that I think very differently than most people and I find the behavior of the average person puzzling at the best of times. One example of this is my lifelong obsession with fitness which leads me to be completely unable to understand people who don't exercise. While I learned years ago that they just have different priorities than I do and, therefore, not to pass judgment on them, and I really don't, as our son is fond of saying, you do you, to this day I still can't get my head around the fact that the average person would rather look and feel like crap 24-7-365 than do something that's inconvenient and uncomfortable for 20 minutes three times a week. To me that seems like the definition of insanity, but I digress. With our society being infected with the false woke idea that gender is fluid, I wanted to talk today about male and female relationships, more specifically about what I call the laws of attraction and the very real differences between men and women. While I myself have been blessed to be married to my best friend for the past 28 years, I have many friends in their 50s and 60s who are either single again or who have never been married, but universally they are looking for someone and largely not finding what they're looking for. And even if you, like me, are fortunate to be in a long-term stable relationship, I'm certain there are times when your partner baffles you. You simply can't understand their way of thinking. This is because men and women are equal but different. There are even areas of our brains that are different sizes and these explain many of the differences between the sexes and how we process information. Men tend to have slightly more gray matter, particularly in the frontal and temporal lobes, the areas of brain responsible for things like decision-making, coordination, emotional regulation, and sound perception and processing. One example of that last one is that men are far more likely to be audiophiles than women. My wife can listen to music on her cell phone while to me the tinny sound coming from that tiny speaker is like fingernails on a blackboard. Women often have higher proportion of white matter relative to brain size, especially in the corpus callosum, which connects the left and right brain. This is why for women everything is connected, whereas men can much more easily compartmentalize. Women may also have a slightly larger hippocampus relative to brain size linked to memory and emotion. Guys, this is why your wife remembers every detail of the argument you had six months ago while you've completely forgotten it. She's not punishing you and she's not being neurotic. It's just that her brain is wired to remember that stuff and yours isn't. And there's even a very good reason for that. We don't notice it so much these days because we're having much smaller families than we used to. But imagine if you've got 10 kids. (3:50 - 8:01) Could you keep track of all their conflicts and emotional crises and keep peace in the family? I know I couldn't, but she can because her brain is wired for that. Conversely, men typically have a larger amygdala associated with emotional processing and aggression. This is why confrontation and emotional conflict doesn't bother us as much and why we do tend to be more aggressive. This is one of the best arguments for a male-only military, by the way, at least in combat roles. A woman can shoot a gun as well as a man can, but a man is more likely to be able to put a bullet into a complete stranger without his motions causing him to hesitate, which in battle can get you and your friends killed. It's also the reason why men are much more likely to be self-employed. In fact, in North America, men are almost twice as likely to be self-employed as women. But I said this was about the laws of attraction. And there, too, psychological studies show that men and women are very different, but likely not in the ways that you might think. There are a lot of commonly held misperceptions. Let's focus first on first impressions, which means looks. Unless your first interaction with a person is entirely verbal, such as a phone conversation, this isn't being shallow. It's just the first thing we're presented with before we ever even engage in conversation to see if there's a basis for a deeper connection. For example, whether you are a man or a woman, you probably believe that men place far more importance on the physical appearance of a potential partner. It turns out, though, that men and women notice the looks of the opposite sex to an equal degree and judge the looks of the opposite sex on exactly the same criteria. But we weight that criteria differently. Studies show there are three main criteria for both genders, face, body, and height. But for men and women, they are ranked in a different order. Women look first at the face, next at a man's height, and only last at his physique. This was something of a disappointment to me personally when I was younger and still seeking a life partner, as my physique was the only part of me that stood out from the crowd, and most women ranked that last. I said most because, of course, there are always exceptions, and you should keep that in mind throughout this episode, especially if you find yourself saying, well, I'm not like that. Well, very likely you're right. It just means you're an exception to the rule. Whether you are a man or a woman, you've likely been led to believe that men focused almost entirely on a woman's body. But the studies show this simply isn't true. Men rank face and body about equally, and look at height last. In fact, for both men and women, the third criteria, physique for women ranking men, and height for men ranking women, should almost be thought of as more of a modifier for the other two criteria, rather than one that stands on its own. A modifier that can push you up or down in their judgment, but which on its own doesn't really matter that much. For example, if a man has a less than average face and is short, having a great physique isn't going to help much. Whereas for a man judging a woman, if she scores well in the face and body department, he's not going to care that much whether or not she's his ideal height. More about height later, because that too is likely not led to believe. If you're willing and able to be honest with yourself, you can even use these criteria to give yourself a 1 out of 10 score for how attractive you are to the opposite sex. But even that requires understanding that men and women rank on a different scale. If a man says a woman is a 5, he means that he finds 50% of women more attractive and 50% less attractive. But for a woman, the median is actually 6.5. That's the point where she finds 50% of men more attractive and 50% less attractive. This means that as a man, if you want women to find you physically attractive, you actually have to be better looking than the objective median. Women are also far less likely to rank a man a 10 than a man is to rank a woman that way. Sorry ladies, but that's just the facts. It's revealed by multiple studies. (8:02 - 8:47) Women are a lot harsher in their judgments of physical appearance, though that could be societally driven and based upon the different messages that men and women are given growing up. A few years ago, I read an article by a woman in New York who was a professional matchmaker. Wealthy clients, mostly men who worked long hours and didn't have time to search for a partner, would pay to introduce them to potential mates. She wrote an article about how she had stopped working for women because, due to societal messaging, mostly social media, women had become so unrealistic in their expectations that she couldn't find anyone they were satisfied with. In short, they were all looking for Chris Hemsworth. But guys like that, who are tall, with handsome faces and ideal physiques, and who are rich and famous, are pretty hard to find. (8:48 - 11:19) Which brings us back to height. In Canada, the average woman is 5 feet 4 inches tall and the average man is 5 feet 10 inches tall. A lot of people who have only ever seen me on camera think I'm about 6 feet and are surprised when they meet me. I am, in fact, bang on average at 5 foot 10. I look taller on camera because my muscular physique makes my head appear smaller by comparison, which the brain interprets as greater height. Because women do judge on height as their second most important criteria, you guys out there who are shorter than average might think this lowers your prospects, but that's not necessarily true. There is a common misperception that the ideal height for a man in the eyes of women is 5 foot 11. But the fact is, there is no ideal height. There is an ideal height difference. And it applies equally to both men and women. Both men and women are likely to see someone who is 8 to 10 inches taller or shorter than them as being the ideal height. My wife and I are a very stereotypical example. I am 5'10 while she is slightly under 5'2, so we fit right into that ideal height difference. Looking back on my dating life before I got married, I think I dated about a dozen different women throughout my teens and twenties before getting married and only two of them were taller than 5'2. So, obviously, I do tend to be attracted to women who are 8 to 10 inches shorter than myself. This ideal height difference gets modified, though, if you yourself fall significantly outside the average range. If you are a tall woman, say 5'8 or more, and you've likely had to choose a partner who is less than 8 inches taller than you because there just aren't that many men who are 6'4 or taller. Similarly, if you're a short man, say 5'8 or less, your options are limited as there are very few women who are 5 feet or shorter, so you may have to look for partners who are closer to your own height. The good news is that there are a few simple things you can do to improve your appeal, even if you haven't been genetically gifted with good looks or live at the gym. The first and biggest one? Smile. Psychological studies have shown that both men and women find a person who smiles to be more attractive. Dress matters, too, even if you've been married a long time. Most of us prefer to be comfortable at home rather than concerning ourselves with our appearance, and that's fine. For me, that usually means hanging around the house in jeans and a T-shirt, but putting on dressy casual clothes gets my wife's attention every time. (11:20 - 11:50) And finally, hygiene, and this may apply especially to my fellow men. I've had my wife and a number of past girlfriends compliment me on my hygiene. This is because they've dated guys who didn't pay attention to that, leading to body odor or bad breath. Guys, that is a major turnoff for women. Shower. Shave. Brush your teeth. Wear clean clothes. Age preference, too, changes as we ourselves age, but again, likely not for the reasons you think. (11:51 - 19:17) Many older men get labeled as leches or worse because they still find women in their early 20s attractive, while women tend to look for men their own age as they themselves age, although only up to a point. In both cases, the reasons for this are based upon biology. Men can potentially father thousands of children in the course of their lives if they're able to attract that many partners, while the world record for a woman is attributed to Valentina Vasileev, a peasant from Shuya, Russia, who reportedly gave birth to 69 children between 1725 and 1776. This included 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets, totaling 27 pregnancies. The poor woman, she must have been exhausted. Conversely, some studies conclude that some 16 million men in Asia can link their genetic heritage to Genghis Khan and his male relatives, although some dispute this as being an exaggeration based upon the uncertainty of genetic testing after multiple generations. A better modern-day example would be Elon Musk, who has 14 children with four different partners. Don't envy him, he's got a terrible track record with marriages. What all this means is that men are biologically wired to look for a fertile, healthy woman who can bear as many children from him as possible, which means young women in their early 20s. While women, who can have far fewer offspring to carry on their genetic line, are looking for a man who will be a protector and provider for her children, thus increasing the likelihood of their survival. This becomes even more important today, where couples are having far fewer children, and thus it becomes biologically more imperative for women to increase the survival odds of her kids by marrying a guy who can protect and provide for them. So, ladies, when your guy watches that cute young thing walk past, cut him some slack. He's genetically programmed to do that. Men, that is not permission to ogle. Remember that to her, when you ogle another woman, especially a younger one, that is a biologically hardwired threat to the survival of her children, not to mention just being plain old inconsiderate. It's your job to make the woman you are with feel as though there is no one in the world you would rather have. Women, on the other hand, are far more psychologically interesting when it comes to judging men as women themselves age. While the chart for men shows that no matter how old they are, they see women in their early 20s as the ideal mates, the chart for women shows she is looking for a guy about her own age, but only up to 45. After that, her preference levels off and she continues to find men in their mid-40s the most appealing potential mates. This is because women are genetically programmed to find a provider and protector. While most men become wealthier as they age, and thus may continue to increase their ability to provide even in their elder years, past the age of 45 most women no longer see him as a protector due to the fact that both women and men get weaker and less physically capable as they age, especially after their mid-40s. This could be part of the explanation for why women are so much harder to satisfy when looking for a new partner as they get older. Their not being cougars so much as their biological programming urges them to find a younger, more physically capable man who can protect both her children, and remember that this is a biological imperative, so it doesn't matter if she doesn't have children or her kids have already grown to adulthood, her female brain is just wired that way. This brings me to communication, the area where couples especially tend to struggle, and which has led to multiple books written by psychologists and marriage counselors on how to effectively communicate with your partner. If you're looking for something like that, there are two books I recommend, You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen, and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. One book I do not recommend is the very popular Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, because the author's premise is that you should attempt to speak your partner's language. In my opinion, this simply won't work. Communication between men and women is at its most fragile when we are angry and frustrated with each other, and trying to frame your thoughts the way the other person would say them is nearly impossible when your amygdala is firing a hundred times per second. The more active our amygdala is, the less active our cerebral cortex or higher reasoning brain is, which means it is biologically much more difficult to think clearly when we are angry. Deborah Tannen's book takes the opposite approach of teaching you to understand what your partner really means, rather than what you are hearing. While the subject of cross-sex communication is far too complex for me to attempt to cover here—we'd be here for hours—one good example is when women say they're sorry. Many men—and I was one of them until I read Tannen's book years ago—think that when a woman says she's sorry, she's apologizing, which either baffles him because there's nothing to apologize for, or leads him to believe she's conceding the argument. But the fact is that most of the time, when a woman says she's sorry, she's expressing sympathy, not admitting guilt. Ladies, this helps you too. When he says he's sorry, he's apologizing, which is hard for many men because it means admitting fault. When he apologizes, it's time to soften your voice and back off a little. If you keep pressing him at that point, he's likely to get frustrated and angry because, hey, he apologized. What more do you want? I'll leave you to pursue communication further on your own. As I said, it's a very complex subject and one that I quite frankly am not qualified to speak on at length. All I can tell you is that my wife and I have seen our arguments and disagreements decline dramatically over the years simply by coming to understand each other better, which leads to the recognition that what we're hearing and what the other person is actually saying are often two different things. One piece of advice I can give you is if you find yourself having a gut emotional reaction to something your partner says, especially during an argument, take a deep breath and ask for clarification before you lose your temper. Often, you'll find that they didn't mean what you thought they meant. And finally, seduction. I promise I'll be tasteful, but it's an important topic and possibly even more so for those of us who are in long-term relationships. Physical contact, not just sex, is the main thing that stimulates production of the hormone oxytocin. This is the hormone that makes us feel good about ourselves, and when we feel good about ourselves, we're also far more likely to feel good about a relationship. In short, oxytocin brings couples closer together. You can stimulate oxytocin production with cuddling, but the fact is that nothing spikes those levels more than sex. Unfortunately, many people come to the conclusion that once they're married, they shouldn't have to seduce their partner anymore. After all, it's part of the contract, isn't it? But this attitude can be very damaging to your marriage, as it will eventually lead your partner to concluding that you no longer find them desirable. However, seduction is a very different game for men than it is for women, and unfortunately, we're both being undermined by misleading social messaging, including the lessons we learned when we were growing up. (19:18 - 20:22) When a man seduces a woman, he's trying to put her in the mood. He might bring her flowers, take her out for dinner, or if he's good in the kitchen, make a special dinner for her at home. He'll light candles and put on romantic music. It's a lot of effort, and so it's understandable that he gets frustrated when it doesn't work. Guys, listen closely. It's not her fault. It's yours. No, not because she didn't put in the effort. The fact is that men typically put far more effort into romance and seduction than women do, because both men and women have received the societal message that it is his job to do the seducing and her job to be seduced. The problem, gentlemen, is timing. You are dealing with a female brain where everything is connected. If she's tired, if she's stressed, if she's worried about the kids, she's worried about the finances, there is likely nothing you can do to put her in the mood. Wait until her mood improves. Then put the moves on her. For women, it's less about seduction than it is about open invitation. (20:23 - 21:49) Guys, too, can be susceptible to external factors that can make it hard to get their attention, but it is true that men are often more open to sex than women are, although not perhaps as much as you've been told. While there is surprisingly little data on how often men and women think about sex as they age, for young people aged 18 to 25, studies show that men think about sex on average 18 times per day, while women think about sex on average 10 times per day. If we break that down and assume each person sleeps eight hours per day, then this means men are thinking about sex just slightly more than once per hour, while women think about sex roughly once every hour and a half. Not that much difference, really. Which means that while timing can be important for women, too, for the most part, you just have to send a clear signal that you're in the mood, and very likely he will respond. It's also interesting to note that the same studies show that men think more frequently about other biological needs, such as food and sleep, than women do, and about the same ratio, suggesting that men simply think about basic biological needs more often than women. And this is likely due to the fact that for women, everything is connected. Therefore, they are more likely to be distracted by those intrusive thoughts, whereas men can compartmentalize, allowing us to temporarily shelve our worries and focus on imperatives. A few final notes for you ladies about seduction, especially when it's your husband you're seducing. (21:50 - 22:21) I said earlier that for women, seduction is more about open invitation. In my interviews with John Euler of Unmasking the Trans Movement, John, who, among a list of other credentials, is a certified sex offender treatment provider, he taught me that normal men, that is, men who are psychologically healthy, can only really enjoy sex when they know that the woman they are with is enjoying it too. In fact, for most guys, that's what he wants from you in the bedroom, not any particular sexual act, just letting him see that you are obviously enjoying the experience. (22:22 - 22:55) That will do more to turn most men on than anything you do or say. So, if you're reluctant to put on lingerie that makes you look like a stripper because when you were young, you likely received messages that nice girls don't do things like that, remember that kind of signaling to your husband, not only that you are in the mood, but that you're prepared to openly show it, will definitely get his attention. I hope you found this episode of Iron Will and Everything informative, and perhaps even entertaining. And if it has given you a better understanding of relationships and the opposite sex, let me know in the comments below.