Does NHS secretly stand for ‘Nazi Health Service’? The NHS has many flaws, but to listen to some of its critics, you’d think it was being run by the descendants of Oswald Mosley or something – which, to a certain limited degree, it actually is. Louis Mosley is the grandson of Sir Oswald Mosley, the 1930s Führer of the British Union of Fascists and one-time Labour Party MP (the second one’s worse), and a man who, according to Green Party leader Zack Polanski, suspiciously “still insists on wearing a black shirt every single time he is on TV”. Mosley is the head of the UK wing of the US-based technology firm Palantir, which currently enjoys a £330 million contract to “reinvent the NHS” by updating its IT systems to join patient databases together to cut waiting times, apparently with some success. 

According to a leaked memo from the NHS’s Chief Data Officer Ming Tang, who sounds more like a valuable antique vase than a classic Nazi white supremacist, Palantir’s systems have been delivering “outstanding results”, helping managers organise 110,000 extra operations, which is the equivalent of having an extra three fully-booked hospitals a year, together with facilitating a 6.8% increase in cancer diagnoses being made within that all-important 28 days of initial referral. Like some newly prescribed super-suppository, Tang therefore desires to see “maximum product penetration” of Palantir’s software across NHS trusts everywhere. The problem is, not everybody working in today’s NHS wants Palantir to cut treatment times for cancer patients, as the supposedly fascist-run firm is also complicit within the spread of a far greater cancer: that of Zionism. Some of Palantir’s other AI-related software lines have been used by the Israeli Defence Forces to analyse potential targets during the country’s ongoing war against Hamas in the Gaza Strip. Helping Jews to kill their enemies: typical Nazi behaviour!